doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
