I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
