Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
