you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
