now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
