I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
