there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
