my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
