allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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