I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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