I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
