dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
