I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
