coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
