why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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