I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
