Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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