so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
