When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
