a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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