so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
