His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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