she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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