That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
