i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
