I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
