I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I faked an abortion last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
