My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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