Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
