I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
