your parents love me but you hate me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
