I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
