He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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