He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
