I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
