Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
