I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
