how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
