I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
