You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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