I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
