So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
