I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hippo gnu deer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
