Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
