People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
