Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
