She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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