It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
