Porn is love you can see.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
