At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
