Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My cat gives me a boner
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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